Parenting Step Children in 7 Steps! - Family Covers

It?s a great initiative to look for advices on parenting step children. It means you care and value the relationship you can develop with them to eventually be respected and loved by them. Don?t expect to be obeyed at the beginning or to be allowed to discipline them. You?ll have to do one thing at a time.

To sum up the evolution of your relationship with your step children, you?ll start a bit as a babysitter, then will be seen somehow like an aunt or uncle and eventually as a real parent, not theirs of course, but a very close member of the family. Remember you want to be their friend. Their parents are here for the discipline part, you?re not. And yes, that?s an advantage!

Parenting step children takes 7 steps:

1- Be clear in introducing who you are and want to be for your step children. Make sure they understand you don?t want to take the place of their mum or dad. You must be out of the disciplinary issue from the start. Say you won?t give punishments but will just apply what has been decided with their parents by reporting bad behaviors to them because they decide of the consequences. It?s an agreement you have. You just want to know them more and to be friend if it sounds ok for them. Talk freely to help them say what they think. You?re an intruder for them, it?s perfectly normal.

2- Show interest in your step children?s lives. They might find that odd and may not participate much but keep asking questions, it?ll pay off. Always try to know what is happening in their lives, try to remember what they talk about, the name of their friends, important dates. It?ll surprise them. Parenting step children is really about being there.

3- Be a team with your spouse. Speak with one voice or the step children might try to take advantage of the disagreements you may have. If your spouse legitimates your role and place in the family, it?ll be easier for you.

4- Be persistent in your efforts to create a strong relationship with your step children. It takes patience of course but don?t lose hope. If you?re consistent in your behavior, your step children will more likely rely on you. Just be there for them and respect the time they need to get closer to you.

5- Spend some time alone with each of them, do activities they like. On the way back home, stop at a caf? to chat a little. It?ll allow them to see another side of you and they will remember what you shared and how fun and nice it was. Doing one-on-one activities can make parenting step children much easier and will build the relationship faster.

6- Be honest with what you feel. Tell them it?s hard for you but that you really want to be their friend. Ask them what they feel. By speaking freely, they?ll be more inclined to share their feelings toward you. Of course it can hurt a little, but because they?ll be surprised you?re not their enemies and understand them, they?ll feel compassion for you too!

7- Have humor! It?ll help the family look at things in perspective and will relieve some tensions. Don?t lose your sense of humor, it can help you get closer to your step children.

It would be a lie to say that parenting step children is very easy but with these 7 steps, I?m sure you can create your own place in their hearts and become a full member of the family. You?ll be respected and loved. Be available for them, be consistent, fun and compassionate.

Source: http://www.familycovers.com/2011/07/25/parenting-step-children-in-7-steps/

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